Just to build slightly on this week's other post, the concept that we always need to be learners is a powerful one.  "As soon as you think you're ripe, you're rotten" holds a lot of weight. When people are in conflict, it is this kind of thinking that forces people into entrenched positions. As mediators and as people who sometimes find ourselves in conflict, we should always be asking ourselves, "what else is there for me to know?"

Notice, it's not, "what are they not telling me?", or "what are they hiding?", but "what else is there for me to know?" The idea is to dig out, not only what we don't know, but what we don't know we don't know. For instance, I know I can mediate most conflict situations.  What I know I can't do is perform surgery on someone.  I've never been trained as a surgeon and have no medical knowledge or experience that would allow me to perform such a task, this I know. It is information that I know I don't know. However, my sister recently became a body builder. She constantly monitors her caloric, carbohydrate and salt intake. She carefully mixes cardio workouts with her regular strength-building routines. Before she eats or exercises, she considers several different factors and how each might impact her. I never knew that bodybuilders had to be so conscious of every little detail. I assumed they simply lifted weights frequently and tried to avoid hurting themselves. So my sister has gained, and now shared, information that was so new to me, that I didn't even know it existed for me to learn it.

The information that we don't know we don't know makes up most of the information that exists in the world. What we don't know we don't know about the other people in conflict is the information that drives the conflict. I know that I don't how bothered my boss when I turned that report in one day late.  What I don't know I don't know is that other co-workers have been consistently late with their reports and that our boss is starting to feel like her authority is being disrespected.

What we don't know we don't know is where conflict lies, and only through exploration, based in compassion and a desire to understand, will that information surface.